drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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