Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i was born a porn star she said
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
