I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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