she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
