He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
