why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
