She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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