You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
