I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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