Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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