I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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