My sheets look like a crime scene.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
