Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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