Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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