We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
