Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
