I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
