if you like me you must not know who I am
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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