i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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