She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
