Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
