why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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