Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
