I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
