No awkward lesbian experiences without me
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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