He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
