would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
