If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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