white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
