pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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