I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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