Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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