got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
