you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
