She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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