Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
