He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
