My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
