I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm sobbing to NWA
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
