Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
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