I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize