Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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