UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
