census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
