Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just forgot I was standing up.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
