Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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