i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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