My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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