Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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