i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
