I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
my liver is dry heaving
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
