If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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