I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
