I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
