Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
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