Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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