I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Randomize
