My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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