Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
