hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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