And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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