kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
