dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
