This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
