Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
