Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
