So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
