hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
