You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
