Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
